Thoughts on Mothering

My Mother's Day gift to myself is grace. Grace to be the best mother I can without the guilt of not mothering the same way you do or the same way my neighbor does or the same way my mom did. My mom is the ultimate Mom. She might tell you she made mistakes and needs grace too but I don't remember them. In my mind she was perfect, she was the mother I needed and still is. If my children remember me meeting their needs, if they grow up knowing I'll be there for them and I have and will always love them I will be a success too. There is a wall hanging on the wall in my children's bedroom. It says:

"Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow for babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep. I'm rocking my babies and babies don't keep."

It was embroidered by my mom and hung in my sister's room or maybe mine, I'm not sure. But it comforts me that my mom identified with the thought that time spent with children is time well spent. My house isn't as clean as I would like, I don't cook dinner at home as often as I would like, the laundry piles up more than I want it to but the free moments that I spend with my children are worth more than a dust free house and a homemade meal. At least that is what I think. 

So Happy Mother's Day Mom, you're the best! and Happy Mother's Day to me, I'll keep on doing my best.

P.S.

Lydia stood up this morning without anything to hang onto!

Happy Birthday, Renee!

Happy Birthday to my darling Renee girl! She is joy and giggles, smiles and fun. She is smart, funny, and adorable. She is determined, creative, and strong. She has her Daddy wrapped around her finger and carries her Mommy's heart. Her little sister adores her. 

She is also a bit mischevious!

We started her birthday celebration at home yesterday with presents from Mommy and Daddy and then had a party in Grandma and Grandad Sheats' backyard. The kids enjoyed the pizza and had fun playing in the "park" but the wind forced us to move inside for presents and cake. 

A friend helped me make this cake. She did a great job re-creating the picture on Renee's party invitations.

 Renee was looking forward to seeing Anna all day! These two cousins are the best of friends.

 I love the smile on Renee's face. It makes my heart happy. :)

 The day ended with a walk in the garden...and a bath.

 And one of Lydia, who could resist this little face?

This is today. Renee had some cake and ice cream for a snack, today IS her birthday after all. I turned my back for a moment and Renee decided to share her cake with Lydia.

As I was writing, Renee already tucked in bed, she comes walking out with a blanket draped over her head like a ghost. She was picking her way around the toys toward the couch. Did she really think I wouldn't notice? She's back in bed.

My Mommy Heart

This morning I held a child while silent tears ran down her face. She was the same age and size as one of my daughters and she cuddled into me the same way. My mommy heart broke and re-broke several times while I held her.

When I got home my little girls mended my heart. We went out to eat at our favorite restaurant, Renee discovered that she likes crab dip. I had one of those moments where you realize that now that you're a mom you can do pretty much anything. While Renee sat on my lap eating my dinner, I also ate my dinner while giving Lydia a bottle. No problem. Renee then did the impossible. While sitting on my lap fully dressed eating her dinner she peed on me! I was wet and she was dry!!! Not possible! Unless you have a monster, and I mean monster diaper wedgie. On the way home she made up a song, "Happy happy, Mommy, Daddy. Happy, happy, Daddy happy, Mommy happy, Lydia happy, Happy, happy." My mommy heart was happy.

As of yesterday Lydia is 8 months old. The view I most often have of her is the top of her head. She wants to stand and pulls up on anything and everything. I don't have to look far for her she is usually attached to my leg. I kind of like it, my daughters are my best accessories.

A Little Like Me

Mom likes to tell a story about the difference between her children. She uses the example of mopping the floor and telling us all to stay out until the floor was dry. One would blatantly disregard the rule and run straight through. One would stand in the doorway and put her toes just over the edge of the entry...that was me. I wanted to know, do you mean what you say or is it ok if I follow my interpretation of the rule...will I get in trouble if I break the letter of the law or the meaning of the law. I knew the rule was made so we wouldn't get the floor dirty so sometimes I would run through in my clean socks when she wasn't looking, not to mess up the floor but to see if she would be able to tell I had walked through. Shen never knew (sorry Mom) and what I learned was that rules weren't important if they didn't have meaning so I could choose which rules I followed and which ones I didn't which amounts to rebellion. So the point of this is that the other day I told Renee "We don't stand on the couch. The couch is for sitting. If you stand on it you have to go to your room." What did she do? She kneeled. I hadn't said anything about kneeling but I did say that the couch was for sitting. The look in her eye told me I have a daughter just like me so I spent a minute debating what to do and sent her to her room. I told her to go and she took off running, went straight to her room and came back a minute later, climbed up on the couch and stood. I sent her to her room. We did this three of four times before she came back and sat down. Hasn't stood since. So my lesson for the day was that small things matter and obedience needs to be learned for the simple fact of obedience.

On to matters of cuteness...I love watching Lydia and Renee play together these days. It is so sweet. They adore each other. Lydia has just taken off, as I write I'm sitting on the floor and Lydia has pulled up to cling to my back, she wants to stand more than sit and uses the furniture or anything she can get hold of to stand and is even starting to walk along the couch. For breakfast this morning she gummed her way through 2 pancakes. She is thrilled with herself for eating real food and can't seem to get enough of it. Despite the fact that I stepped right in a puddle of spit up this morning she is keeping more food in her stomach and less is coming back up. After so much worry I have no more doubts about her health. Her grins and giggles mean the world to me and seeing her crawl across the floor and eat with a healthy appetite is not taken for granted. I am so blessed to have two beautiful, healthy girls.

Sooo Big!

These two pictures should be at the end but I don't have any more time to fight with blogger about it. They are cute wherever they are.

Lydia is getting soooo big! After I put her in bed tonight I heard her talking and when I went back in this is what I found. I put her back to bed, snuggled her in with paci and blanket and put the rail ALL the way up before leaving the room. I soon heard her talking again and when I went back in this is what I found!

Who knew she was so tall?! That cute little nose sticking up past the rail just about did me in. She and Renee have been playing so nice together lately. Lydia gets lots of kisses from her big sister. Here's a few pictures of them playing together because they are just too cute.

Family Pictures

It was time for a new family picture and this was the most challenging attempt. The outtakes would probably have been more interesting to post! This was one of the few pictures that we got without a finger in someone's mouth...or nose. Renee has not been interested in having her picture taken and this day was no exception. Jeremy worked hard for this smile! Isn't she a sweetie though?

Lydia loved the flash. There was no problem getting a smile out of her as long as Jeremy could snap those pictures fast enough. What a doll!

Milestones

It is hard to believe that Lydia is 6 months old already. At the same time she is such an important part of my life that I can't imagine being without her. I was holding her today and thinking that she is a little piece of heaven that I am privileged to care for (I feel just as strongly about Renee but this is about Lydia). Lydia has smiles that never end. She loves to be played with and her giggles and smiles come easily. She is joy.

It means so much to me to see her sitting and working hard to crawl. I take very little for granted with her. I look forward to her six month check up because this will be the first appointment that I can take her to the doctor and when he asks how she is doing I will be able to answer without reservation, "She is doing wonderful!" It feels good not to worry. It feels good to see her taking in the world around her and reaching out for toys or objects and bring them to her mouth. We are using fewer bibs and burp cloths these days and that is good too.

There have been surprises in motherhood, between Renee and Lydia I have learned many things and I'm sure there is much more to be learned. Some learnings of less consequence than others but for all my confidence before Renee came I quickly realized you don't know how to be a mother until you are one. I've learned that how long it takes apple juice to become vinegar in a sippy cup, that after a child is born laundry doesn't increase from baby clothes but from all the adult clothes with spit up on them. I've learned that rules have a purpose and that structure can be good. I've learned the value of a nap. I've learned the joy and pride of watching your child bring joy to others. I've learned the pain of hearing a doctor say "I'm sorry" while discussing the health of your child. I've learned that tomorrow I will learn again.

It is such a cliche but it really is true that children grow up fast. I gave Renee her first haircut today. It was time to get the hair out of her eyes and since she won't leave a clip in her hair I finally gave in and cut bangs. I'm not ready for her to look too grown up but even with bangs she is still my little girl.